Telegraph: FIFA spurns United States, will announce “Hell” as 2026 World Cup host site

UK-based newspaper the Telegraph has reported on Saturday night that FIFA is set to announce
“Hell” as the host site of the 2026 World Cup in a brilliant (satirical) news scoop on its website.

Citing a (once again, satirical) 666-page FIFA report, the Telegraph believes FIFA failed to find a single reason to not host the 2026 tournament in Hell after a careful vetting process, despite the controversial underworld’s complete lack of soccer history and/or culture.

The world football governing body is said to have no concerns about Hell’s unusually high, and dangerous, year-round temperatures, instead calling Hell a “first-rate facility,” presumably as soon as the checks had cleared and the money was in place.

“Sepp Blatter has been a wonderful role model,” Lucifer, the head of Hell’s delegation, said when asked for comment. “But he still has so much to teach me before I can make the step up from running Hell to being the Dark Lord of an organization as demonic and demented as Fifa. He is a constant inspiration.”